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So, before I even begin to fill you in on the happenings that have been my life over the last few weeks, I must make it perfectly clear that I am in an angry, sarcastic mood today. If I come off as such, now you know that it just is. Okay good. English and making sense and stuff.

What?

Anyways…. Things are looking up! I got signed to a booking agency, I paid off the CD production costs, and I’m participating in every Battle of the Band competition there ever was. Not really. But still, a lot of them. I did Oxford’s BOTB competition at The Woods last month, Miami Idol, and now I’m doing Warped Tour and Bunbury. So it’s good. Go vote and stuff.

http://www.battleofthebands.com/u/KylaMainous

http://cincymusic.com/battle?sort=all&page=2

I still don’t have a set release date for the CD. I’m aiming for May or June. But we’re getting there, and I couldn’t be happier about it. Unless it stopped being winter here in Ohio… then I actually probably would be happier simply because that’s why I’m in such a bad mood. I HATE SNOW.

<3

Ky

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#6 out of 244? What? #nicksSong

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I’m ready :) (at mainous house)

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Tonight, I am using this blog as a place to share my thoughts, because sometimes it’s the only way to begin to move on. This is a blog devoted to my music stuff. But right now, it will be used to reflect on something much more important: love and life.

Two weeks ago my mom called me and told me my 15 year old brother’s best friend had passed away. I was shocked. Maxwell King, a happy, kind hearted, 14 year old collapsed while playing basketball. He passed away the next morning. I’m almost 21. This isn’t the first time I’ve encountered death, or the death of a young person. But it is the first time I have known that young person. I was concerned for my brother, and I was heartbroken for Max’s family. Being friends with many of my brother’s friends, posts began to fill my newsfeed with R.I.Ps for max. The more there were, the more my heart broke. I heard story after story, and saw the way my brother reacted.

It hasn’t been an easy last few weeks dealing with Max’s death. It got even harder on December 14 when 20 children were taken, right in the middle of a school day.

Since Friday, I am almost constantly on the brink of tears. Every time I think of the parents of these kids, or Max’s parents, I can’t help the tears that fill my eyes. The poems, songs, tributes, and stories that I read and hear are a constant reminder that these children are gone. I am constantly thinking about the cruelty that’s in this world and the pain that so many families have to face. Whether it’s from an enlarged heart like Max’s, or a crazed gunmen, it still feels pretty close to the same. It’s hard to think of the world as this evil place where we have to be afraid everywhere we go. But the hardest part is the grief.

I do not want this post to be about MY grief. MY pain. Yes, I am hurting. Something very small can send me sobbing and asking why. But that’s not my point. I don’t want sympathy. I simply need an outlet to write and speak.

I think the thing I’ve struggled with the most is how my loving, caring God can allow such a tragedy as this. Or how he can take a 14 year old who had dreams and incredible, loving parents. Tragedies continue to happen all over the nation with these mass murders. And every time I find myself consumed with the stories, trying to figure out the hows and whys.

But tonight I’m heartbroken. I’ve never been so impacted by an event. Maybe it was because of Max, and I’ve seen the pain his death has caused first hand with my young brother. I’ve seen his parents. Multiply that by 20 with much younger children. It’s unbearable to think about, yet I find myself so focused on these deaths that I can’t sleep at night. I can’t remember the last time I felt so heartbroken. I know I’ve never felt this way over strangers before.

I will not bring up the many heated issues this event has caused. There will be no call to action, no questions on how to change. For me, this post is one that is simply to show the impact this stuff has had on me. And although I don’t understand how God can do this, I find comfort in Him still. I find comfort that these kids, including Max, are in heaven. I find comfort singing praise. singing that to those who grieve, to the broken, to those who have felt death’s sting- there is hope. That even in this storm, God never lets go.

But there is a small sliver of good I have been able to grasp. I intend to take my friendships and relationships into my own hands, and love harder and better than I ever have before. I’m done putting things off til tomorrow. I’m not waiting any longer to have that important conversation. I’m telling you I love you every chance I get. But I’m more than telling you- I’m showing you. I’m living loud and full and with meaning. Live like no tomorrow has always been an important mantra in my life. I want to make it how I live, always.

Get off the computer. Put down the controller. Go love someone better than you did yesterday.

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Another semester of college has come and gone, and I’m still on the struggle bus, begging for money to pay for CD production and to put food in my belly. My head still feels pretty empty after several months of classes I could care less about while I spent time in the studio singing my heart out and playing shows every chance I got.

Here’s hoping this semester will be my last.

Ironically enough, and hopefully it’s some kind of sign, auditions for season 4 of The Voice begin the weekend before second semester begin. So while my classmates are busy moving back in after winter break is over, I plan on being stuck in Chicago waiting to do call backs and missing the first few days of class. That sounds like a good trade off to me.

I want this time to be different. I know what to expect, so maybe I can relax. Maybe I won’t be a nervous wreck for two weeks and not feel sick the whole time I’m waiting to go in. I’m part of the first group on the first day of the VERY first day of auditions. Hopefully that will give me a leg up. I want to pick the perfect song, and this time I’m taking my guitar to entertain me and take my mind off everything while I wait.

But that doesn’t make my heart beat any less harder when I think about going in that room and signing and hoping and praying they’ll call my name at the end.

I’m not going to stop chasing this dream. Whether it happens on a tv show or if it happens because I am relentless and beat people over the head with my music, I don’t care. But it will happen.

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This is happening. #thevoice2013 (at Logan Lodge)

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I’m just getting shares all over the place.. :) (at Mainous House)

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Happy 11,667 words to me! #nanowrimo #celebratorypie #milestone @nanowrimo

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Faith in humanity restored. He is a total stranger. Pretty amazing. (Taken with Instagram at Logan Lodge)

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#heartandsoul (Taken with Instagram)